The Best Deceptions
by Pissed Off Poet1
Summary: Finished Hawkeye's thoughts when seeing Maragret again Please read the song along with the story, it won't make much sense if you don't
1. Calling To Late

(Standard disclaimers apply. Spoilers: Where there's a will, and Goodbye Farwell and Amen. Please read and review.)  
  
(Margaret's POV)  
  
I got a call from BJ this morning. It's funny, really. I have only been back in the states for three weeks, spending my days at the Tampa Bay ER, and I keep expecting to see BJ, Colonel Potter, Charles, or Hawkeye walking down the hall. But that's not what's bothering me today.  
  
BJ said that Hawkeye has been really down since returning home. That he was so worried, he was starting to track down Sid Freedmen. I feel bad for Hawkeye, but I just can't let myself go through after we parted ways in Korea.  
  
I half expected him o call me after the way we left. I felt something for him, I really did. But I heard nothing. It was a hell of trip home, BJ told me. Hawkeye's two connecting flights were delayed and hen canceled all together, but the ironic thing is, the only souvenirs that he brought home, were himself in one peace, and those emotional scars which I'm not so sure were all worked out. But he never called. I told him to call, hell I even prayed he would, but he didn't.  
  
I heard about your trip.  
  
I heard about your souvenirs.  
  
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,  
  
and the cool guys that you spent them with.  
  
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.  
  
I guess I should have heard of them from you.  
  
I think a lot about Korea. I think about all of he nurses that Hawkeye has been with, and I can't really say that he has ever been with me. That one stolen night in the abandoned hut really never counted, because hen and there we both knew that I would have never worked.  
  
Today I was reminded of when one of my new nurses died when she stepped on a land mine. Hawkeye was so broken up about that, and for once he really did expressed how he felt. Up till then I would have though he never would let his true feelings show no even to the people closest to him. And then what seemed like centuries later, the war ended.  
  
And he kissed me.  
  
Or I kissed him; I really don't remember that part. All I do remember is that one minute we were both standing there and the next, we just couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I guess the game was over.  
  
Don't you see, don't you see?  
  
That the charade is over?  
  
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you  
  
So kiss me hard  
  
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.  
  
You will be back someday  
  
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service  
  
To keeping you away.  
  
When BJ called me, I could feel what he said Hawkeye was going through, because I felt them too. I guess like the old saying goes, it takes one to know one. BJ told me that he knew Hawkeye had been sorry for no calling me, when I practically begged him to. But I can't go through that again; I won't. If he had only called me.  
  
I heard about your regrets.  
  
I heard that you were feeling sorry.  
  
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.  
  
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.  
  
I guess I should have heard of them from you.  
  
And I knew after I had talked to BJ that it was over. I would always love Hawkeye, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of finding a man who wouldn't be afraid of telling me that he loved me. My custom fit, I guess. Hawkeye and I had some great times together, and I would never think of sulfur again with out remembering mine and Hawkeye's joke about the sulfur being between the two end tables. But even though I know that there won't ever be anything between Hawkeye and me, I know that I'll never trade what we went through together for the word, even that awkward farewell kiss.  
  
Don't you see, don't you see?  
  
That the charade is over?  
  
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you  
  
So kiss me hard  
  
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.  
  
You will be back someday  
  
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service  
  
To keeping you away.  
  
I know that Hawkeye has been trying to call me. Or at least that's what BJ told me from his last call. And it's really nothing new. I know Hawkeye has been calling, but I can't pick up the phone. I just can't go through that again.  
  
Today I met a wonderful man. He was everything I had hoped for in a man. He was smart, charming, witty, and such a gentleman. And I'm beginning to think that his guy is my custom fit, but even if he is, he's no Hawkeye.  
  
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,  
  
I'll be all right when my hands get warm. Ignoring the phone,  
  
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.  
  
Too late to be gracious and you do not warrant long good-byes.  
  
You're calling too late  
  
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	2. I didn't ask, and she didn't say

(Standard disclaimers apply, and no, I do not own any of the songs that are displayed in this fic. Please read and review!)  
  
Did I ever tell anyone that I hate medical conferences?  
  
And in Dallas of all places  
  
I mean, I know it's helping me by being here, but I mean it's just so boring. How I long for simpler days. But to me, simple brings me back to Korea. But what was so simple about a war?  
  
Yeah, I guess doing the same meatball surgery over and over day after day, but I guess it's just the people I miss. Yep, that must be it. I miss the people, nothing complicated about that.  
  
Hours after the conference adjourned I was standing in the airport holding area waiting for my delayed flight. Well I guess I can add fog to the list of things that I hate.  
  
Damn weather.  
  
I caught her eye from across the room. The woman whom I have been trying so hard to forget was standing just a few feet away from me. I don't know how, but some how I walked over to her.  
  
"Hey stranger," she said simply moving her bag to the other shoulder.  
  
"Hi," I think I managed to say. Moments later we were in each others arms again for an awkward hug. When she finally stepped away, we moved over to some near by chairs and sat down.  
  
Fogged in Dallas on my way to L.A  
  
Staring up at the screen, all flights were delayed  
  
when a voice behind me asked  
  
"stranger how have you been?"  
  
I was caught off guard when I saw her face  
  
Stumbled my way through an awkward embrace  
  
Yet somehow I managed to say "good to see you again"  
  
We caught up on old friends  
  
Caught up on old times  
  
But all through the small talk, it kept burning through my mind  
  
We sat there and looked at each other like a couple of fools for a few minutes and then both let out an awkward laugh.  
  
"So I heard you're in Tampa now," I say still not being able to talk my eyes off of her.  
  
"Yeah-yeah it's really nice down there. BJ tells me that you are still in Maine."  
  
"Yeah, I'm helping run dad's office. Being semi retired seems to suite him well."  
  
"That's nice," she says and checks her watch.  
  
While she does, I took the opportunity to really look at her. She had lost some weight in Tampa, and had gotten a tan that looked great on her. Dressed in a simple blue dress, she still could make my heart stop.  
  
And watching her makes me wonder if she still thinks about Korea. If she still thinks about all of those times we spent together. I wanted to ask her so badly, but the words wouldn't come out.  
  
I just wanted to ask her if she thought about me the way I think about her.  
  
Does she think about the nights we spent on crystal lake  
  
Wrapped up in a blanket 'til the break of day  
  
So many times I wondered does she think of me that way  
  
I didn't ask and she didn't say  
  
"So how are you settling into civilian life?" I hear myself asking her.  
  
"Pretty good; it took me awhile, but I think I'm doing okay," she says confidently.  
  
I smile, knowing she would accept nothing less.  
  
"BJ says that you might have found you're custom fit," I say hoping that's she'll open up to me, like she did that night in Korea. I just wanted to know if this guy meant anything to her.  
  
Trading stories and pictures of kids  
  
Things we're gonna do and things never did  
  
I watch as she looks at her watch again, but I know she has nowhere to go. All of the flights have been delayed.  
  
'til we were stranded in that moment not sure what to say  
  
Then she broke the silence with her little shy smile  
  
And she brought up the weather but all the while  
  
"Did you hear about Klinger," she starts with a smile, and I smile back, even though she is changing the subject.  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"Colonel Potter says he is back in Toledo now. They did find her family, but unfortunately they both had already died."  
  
"God, that's terrible."  
  
"Well it's all a part of love and war I guess."  
  
When she said that, I wondered if she remembered.  
  
I wondered if she thinks about Jackson Hole  
  
Nights beside the fire and angels in the snow  
  
So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way  
  
I wondered if she remembered that night we spent in that abandoned hut, and the love, although brief, that we shared, a love that I would never forget.  
  
I didn't ask and she didn't say  
  
When we heard the announcement that all flights have been cleared, we knew it was time for goodbye but neither of us moved.  
  
But after a few more awkward minutes we said our awkward goodbyes, and swore that we would stay in touch.  
  
We said our goodbyes, swore we'd stay in touch  
  
Then we went our separate ways knowing, knowing no one ever does  
  
But while I walked to my gate, my heart broke. All of those missed opportunities, all of those unanswered phone calls; I just knew I had screwed up big time. Me; the great lover, has just broken the heart of the woman that I love more then life.  
  
Well it's like she said. It's all a part of love and war.  
  
But I couldn't help but wonder as I walked  
  
If thinks had turned out different where would we be today  
  
So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way  
  
I didn't ask and she didn't say  
  
No, I didn't ask and she didn't say  
  
TBC???  
  
(Please review) 


	3. We'll never know

  
  


It has been one year now. One years since I have been home from that God awful place. And I would have loved to have forgotten the anniversary, if it wasn't for the constant news coverage, the moment of silence we had at the hospital, and if it wasn't for the letter.

  


The letter had come from Radar of all people. 

  


Next weekend he was have a barbeque at his home, and all of the former M*A*S*H personal were invited. I wouldn't have gone, I would have just said that I couldn't make it, but he wrote me that everyone had already said they would come. Even Charles, so I guess I had no choice. 

  


And so I went. 

  


But I didn't want to face them. I didn't want to face him. Not after all this time.

_Sure I think about you now and then  
__But it's been a long, long time.  
I've got a good life now, I've moved on  
So when you cross my mind...._

The party, I have to say, was a big hit. I couldn't believe that Radar alone had tracked down all of these people. Even Trapper was there. 

And he was there...

_I try not to think about  
What might have been  
'cause that was then  
And we've taken different roads  
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in  
And there's no way to know  
What might have been.  
_

I didn't see her at first. But the moment he put his arms around her I knew. He had moved on. But why hadn't I?

He had introduced her as his wife, and everyone was joking that the great Hawkeye pierce had finally settled down. I wanted to be happy for them, I really did. But I couldn't. I just couldn't let him go.

But when he announced that they were going to have a baby, I couldn't stop and do the math, to figure out if she got pregnant before or after they were married, I just had to get out of there. I couldn't stand there and pretend to be happy for the man that I still loved. What I didn't know, was that he followed me outside.

_We could sit and talk about this all night long,  
And wonder why we didn't last  
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know  
But we'll have to leave them in the past._  


I was not going to cry, I wasn't. But all those emotions...I just couldn't keep them in. He held me for what seemed like forever, and just let me cry. I could have fallen in love with him right then and there just for not asking me why I was crying.

"I'm sorry Margaret," he whispered over and over. "I'm so sorry."

It was then that I realized that he had to marry her. For the baby's sake. That was the kind of man that he was. I knew he would be a great father. But it was to little too late, and there was nothing either of us could say or do to change it.

_So try not to think about  
What might have been  
'cause that was then  
And we've taken different roads  
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in  
And there's no way to know  
What might have been.  
_

We stepped away from each other, and knew that it was really over.

"I'm happy for you Hawkeye," I whispered. And I knew that he heard the pain behind those words. He stepped closer to me and brushed away a stray tear that was falling. I knew that he wanted to stay. I knew that he was fighting the urge just for one more minute like I was, but knowing what I had to do, I took my hand in his and gave it a quick and reassuring squeeze before I released it. 

_That same old look in your eyes  
It's a beautiful night  
I'm so tempted to stay  
But too much time has gone by  
We should just say goodbye  
And turn and walk away._  


He gave me a sad smile and gently kissed me before going back into the party. I stood out there for what seemed like forever, and was surprised when I saw the one person I least expected to come find me. 

  


"So there you are," he said and leaned on the railing next to me.

  


"Here I am," I said echoing him. 

  


"It's been a long time hasn't it Margaret?"

  


"Yeah, a long time Trapper," I said distractedly, my mind still on that kiss.

  


"Hawk told me what was going on between you two," he said turning to look at me.

  


I turned to him in an instant ready to kill him. Pierce did what!

  


But he held up his hands in surrender, "Whoa, hold it Margaret. You should know he was drunk at the time, and didn't know what he was saying. He loves you, ya know. More then I think you'll ever know."

  


"I do know," I whispered.

  


"You do?" he asked surprised.

  


"I do," and closed my eyes trying to fight the tears.

_ and try not to think about  
What might have been  
'cause that was then  
And we've taken different roads  
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in  
And there's no way to know  
What might have been._  


Trapper left, knowing there was not much else to say. The moment I heard the door shut, I let the tears that have been held in for the past year finally come out, only to be drowned out by the sound of laughter coming from the house.

_No, we'll never know  
What might have been_  


TBC

Don't worry H/M fans, this one has a happy ending, I promise. Just please review!


	4. Finding LOVE

(A/N: so so so sorry for the long wait, but yes this fic is finally done. Standard disclaimers apply. The song belongs to Ryan Cabrera. Please review)

Another year has passed since I saw Hawkeye last, and now it's me whom is walking down the isle towards a new life. I had heard from B.J not three weeks after David had proposed, that Hawkeye had divorced his wife. It turns out that she had been cheating on him for a long time. So he had taken his nine month old son, and moved back to Maine.

Oh God how I wish I could run. It's not that I don't love David, it's just as Hawkeye put it…he's not my custom fit. But I know he loves me, I just wish I felt the same.

_I won't talk  
I won't breathe  
I won't move till you finally see  
That you belong with me_

The church is starting to fill now, and my father is with me now, telling me how proud of me he is. But I know that what he is proud of is what David is, not who he is. David is a retired Colonel with a reputation known far and wide.

"It's time," he said as he led me into the chapel. I swallowed hard and nodded. I couldn't do this I just couldn't. But would I risk shamming my father, disappointing my family and friends just to follow my heart? But as I looked around the chapel, I saw none of my friends there. Now they were spread far and wide, and knew nothing about what was going on. Oh how I wish they were here, how I wish he was here, he would know what to do.

_You might think  
I don't look  
But deep inside in the corner of my mind  
I'm attached to you_

And as I reached the alter, I could see David crying, he was so happy. I was crying too. But I was crying over my broken heart.

_I'm weak  
It's true  
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer  
Do you want me too?  
Cause my heart keeps falling faster_

We recited our traditional vows, and as the priest asked the crowd of family and friends if anyone objected, I locked eyes with David intending to tell him, but I was startled by the murmurs and low whispers from the crowd, and as I looked back my heart stopped. There standing in the back of the chapel, was none other then Hawkeye Pierce. He didn't say anything, but then again, he really didn't have to.

_I've waited all my life  
To cross this line  
To the only thing that's true  
So I will not hide  
It's time to try anything to be with you  
All my life I've waited_

This is true

I squeezed David's hands in mine, and gave him a small smile.

"Margaret?" he asked, but I shook my head.

"I'm so sorry David," and with that I made the slow walk down the isle ignoring my father.

He took my hands in his and smiled softly.

"I have something for you Margaret," he say, and never taking his eyes off of me, with a church full of people watching, opened my hands and carefully dropping something in them.

They were scrabble pieces. I looked up at him questioningly; he smiled and rearranged the letter in my hand, spelling out the word love. I nearly choked on the sob that rose in my throat. Throwing my arms around him, he whispered, "We won Margaret, we won."

_You don't know  
What you do  
Every time you walk into the room  
I'm afraid to move_

_I'm weak  
It's true  
I'm just scared to know the ending  
Do you see me too?  
Do you even know you meant to me?_

Five years later….

"PIERCE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" I screamed at him, squeezing his hand harder.

"I know you are," was his calm reply.

Oh how I hated him.

"YOU ARE NEVER EVER TOUCHING ME AGAIN!"

"What ever you say Margaret, just breath," he said.

Three hours, and much medication later, I was holding our daughter, the newest addition to the Pierce family. "She's beautiful Margaret," he said kissing her brow. "Just like her mother."

"And she's gonna have her daddy wrapped around her little finger."

We bother laughed at that. And that's when I realized what happiness was, and Dan walked in holding our energetic three year old son. This is what happiness was.

"Why are you crying mommy? B.J (short for Benjamin John) asked.

"Damn hormones," I muttered so only Hawkeye would hear me. "Because I'm so happy sweetheart," I said and smiled.

Hawkeye leaned over and kissed me again. "Wanna borrow a Y for sympathy?"

We both laughed.

_I've waited all my life  
To cross this line  
To the only thing that's true  
So I will not hide  
It's time to try, anything to be with you  
All my life I've waited_

This is true

I know when I go  
I'll be on my way to you  
The way that's true

I've waited all my life  
To cross this line  
To the only thing that's true  
So I will not hide  
It's time to try, anything to be with you  
All my life I've waited

This is true 

End.

Please review.


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